you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
