i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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