If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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