piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My vagina is very pro this idea
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
