My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
