she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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