Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
