I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
