some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize