if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
