Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
