went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
