hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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