Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
