Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
