I just threw up on my dentist
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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