I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
