but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
