We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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