ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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