I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
