Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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