I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Randomize
