I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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