The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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