i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
