I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she was so not down for the gang bang
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Randomize
