My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
