We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
