we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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