I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
