You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
