I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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