you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Come on in and take your pants off
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