CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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