sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
