Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
