I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
