Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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