You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
