my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
