I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize