just come out here and I will go home with you...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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