Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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