She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
