Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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