She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
