My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
