sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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