My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
