Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
