remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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