Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
