Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I could fuck to npr.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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