Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
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