Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
