paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
