she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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