Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i love accidental penises.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
