He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
