Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
someone owes me an orgasm
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
