no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
