do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
