I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize