so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize