I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
