I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
