Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
