Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
