the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
