I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
