East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
