Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
