we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
