im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
