So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i out mim tonsoeep
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