He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
