shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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