if i died would you start the facebook group?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
