Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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