I skipped work to stalk him.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
