I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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