I want to have your abortion
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
