how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You have to summon your inner elephant
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
