It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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