And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
