she was so not down for the gang bang
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
