If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
