Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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