I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
