I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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