if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
