i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
