I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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