We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
And then he peed in my hair
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