just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
