Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I will be naked everywhere
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize